After Thursday’s ‘last big chemo’ treatment on October 1, I was a mess. Not a hot mess. I was a nauseated, sick, mess. It was officially the worst week ever. I could not keep anything down starting on Sunday evening. On Tuesday I broke down, called the oncologist and had to get some IV fluids and anti-nausea to combat dehydration. On Wednesday, I was back at the doctor again – for more fluids and anti-nausea meds. They even did an X-ray of my digestive tract to see if there was a blockage. There was no blockage. I had to reset my system, drink clear fluids and try to keep something down. Finally on Thursday I started to come out of the nausea-haze and by today, I was eating semi-normally.
My mom and dad were wonderful to me – taking me back and forth to the doctor, picking up medicine, dealing with my kids. The nurses and doctors I dealt with were also wonderful to me – doing everything they could to help me feel better. I cannot tell you how glad I am that was the last chemo treatment. There were points this week when I thought I was going to die. I did not feel strong, brave, or positive. I did not think ‘I could beat this thing.’ My thoughts were ‘why is this happening to me?’ and ‘can someone please put me out of my misery?’
Someone has to find a cure to this. Someone has to figure out ways to treat cancer where the treatment is not worse than the disease. Everywhere I turn this month I am reminded about breast cancer. I don’t need any more reminders. I don’t care about seeing pink on everyone. I just need it to be gone.
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I knew there was a reason I was thinking about you all week. I'm going to resist the urge to tell you to hang in there, etc. Just know you are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteKristin
Annie, my thoughts are with you ... the treatment really does suck.
ReplyDeleteWhere is the magic wand...lots of love and anti-nausea thoughts are being sent your way.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need emotional blackmail into thinking positive when you feel crappy. You focus on pulling out of the haze and we'll handle the positive pink crap. In fact, we'll delegate that to the NFL (really!) and we'll handle the more important stuff like food and homework. I'm flexible - call me (or have someone else call me) if you need an extra set of hands or wheels.
ReplyDeleteMakes me think of an advocacy campaign my boss created a few years ago: http://www.lesspinkmoreresearch.org/
ReplyDeleteHang in there. If we keep the spotlight on this, perhaps future generations will benefit.